i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
When are your genitals available?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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