After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
