Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
