Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
