The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
