I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
