Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
