The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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