His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
