i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
