Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
