Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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