I can tuck mytits in my pants
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
3 2 1 whiskey
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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