Already got asked if we're dating
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
