...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
