i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
