I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
