Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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