Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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