were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Your cock deserves a montage
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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