I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize