And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
