dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
