I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
