the condom got lost in my hair
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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