Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
