did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
