i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
