The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
this boner is exhausting
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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