I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
