I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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