I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
