Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
