you have to choose: penises or morals?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
