Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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