no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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