he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
