I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
