I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
