$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
