I have demons in me.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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