So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
