I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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