guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
