Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Life without a bra equals bliss.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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