you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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