Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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