nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
