ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
