tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
