but the lizard people decide everything anyway
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
